It’s been a truly fantastic year for me as a photographer, both professionally and creatively. I have a lifetime more to learn, but in year 10 of this journey, I think somewhere in the second half of the year, my work took a leap. I feel it. A new confidence and competence.

But this is exactly what led to a lot of deep frustration in the second half of the year as well. During my 6 weeks of rehab from elbow surgery, I took some time, did some research and upgraded some equipment as well as purchased some gear to begin a journey into filmmaking and videography. But… I couldn’t find people to experiment with! It’s extremely frustrating to be putting all of this love and energy into the world, knowing you have at the very least, some level of competence, yet can’t get people to commit to creating together. I love Miami for many reasons, but this city does not have the creative hustle that I felt and experienced before I moved here, back in NYC.

It’s also challenging, as I grow my business, to find the balance between collaboration and commerce. Potential clients rarely understand this. But, it’s like… some of this is for passion, and growth, and learning, and trying new things. Some of this is for the incredible and beautiful and powerful energies of true collaboration; when two or more people bring equal parts of their creative energy to create something together. This can surely happen and oftentimes does with my clients, but, I must admit, I’m having difficulty finding creative collaborators who aren’t just trying to get free photos… You know the type… they want me to do it all. Plan, moodboard, find hair and makeup people who want to work for free, direct the shoot, edit the photos…. THATS MY JOB. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT. If you want to make cool shit with me, you’ve got to bring more to the table than just a pretty face. Bring the energy! Work WITH me. I don’t work for you in these circumstances. When it feels like work, it isn’t a creative collaboration, its my job. /endrant

I hate selfies. I don’t like to be in photos all that much. I’m insecure about my teeth. There’s a million reasons I would rather be behind the camera. But this has also been a year of personal growth for me. I lost about 50 lbs this year. I enacted an exercise regimen, that I didn’t miss a day from Jan 1 through my surgery on July 11. I changed my work/sleep habits to add strict discipline to my waking and sleeping hours. And I attended a handful of conscious events that made me realize I’m not the only weirdo in the world. That if I took the time to seek out approving people, I would find the welcoming approval I seek.

So, between this frustration in finding true creative collaborators and then having the YouTube algorithm fed me THIS video, from the extremely talented and equally thoughtful photographer, Taylor Pendleton, I knew I had to give it a shot. If there’s nobody to collab with... collab with yourself! I feel like this project has limitless potential. It also brought to my attention some of these aforementioned insecurities.

Unfortunately, after only 4 out of 5 days sticking to the commitment of shooting self portraits every day, and imagining how this would evolve both my relationship with myself and my technical skills as a photographer…. I got COVID again. I lost two weeks, then got insanely busy with client work, and therefore only have 4 short basic self-portrait sessions to share with you all.

One of my goals for 2024 is to do more of this, and gain the self-confidence and technical skills that come as a result of working on this project.

Without further ado… ME! 🙈 (I need to smile more. I know.)